My Personal Journey to Becoming a Reader — a Rocky One at Best

“To learn to read is to light a fire.” — Victor Hugo

Have you ever thought about when you were learning to read? For some of us, it was a long time ago. For me, since teaching children is my career and mostly children that are struggling to learn to read, I think about what it was like for me often. I wish I could say that it was easy for me to learn to read and that I LOVED to read. That is the farthest thing from the truth. I grew up in a literate family. My parents were college educated and my mom was a secondary english teacher. My parents were always reading: newspapers, books, and magazines. My dad was a newspaper and magazine reader. My mom devoured books on a daily. She would escape into her books most evenings after dinner. I remember feeling left out when she was reading. I wasn’t a part of her books or adventures. I watched my mom and her friends talk about and exchange books they read as the got together for coffee. As someone that grew up out of town with very few friends my age in our small neighborhood, I spent a lot of time alone. If only I had loved to read like the rest of my family, I could have escaped into the pages of books and gone on many adventures.

Unfortunately for me, reading for whatever reason, was difficult. Our home had shelves lined with books. My mom was more than willing to buy me any book I wanted. And believe me, I wanted to be a good reader that LOVED books. It just didn’t click for me. What I find interesting now, is why my parents didn’t push that I had to read like parents do today. I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with my mom about me learning to read and ask why she didn’t push books and reading. Maybe she did but I didn’t interpret it that way.

One summer our family took a driving vacation to Florida. I was in elementary school and my brother was in high school at the time. He was an avid science fiction reader. Isaac Asimov was one of his favorite authors. On our drive to Florida, my brother read a 1500 page book and finished the whole thing before we got to Florida. I vividly remember thinking to myself, how could he read a book that long and also thinking that I could never read a book that long. As you can tell, it obviously bothered me that I wasn’t a reader like everyone else in my family. If only I could have unlocked what the roadblock was for me.

When I was in second grade, our family moved and I had to switch elementary schools. I started in my new school in February. As it turned out, my previous class had not been moving through the reading basal as fast as my new class. So I was over 100 pages behind my current class. My teacher handed me the book and told me to read and catch up. That was a monumental task that I was never going to be able to accomplish on my own. So I pretended! I sat there day after day during reading pretending and turning the pages at the same speed other people were. I was reading very little on each page. I was a very introverted child and would never dream of saying I needed help so I sat there and suffered in silence.

You may ask, why is she writing this? For me, one the greatest teachers is reflecting on my own learning journey. Sometimes I find it very intriguing that I ended up with a career focused on helping struggling readers. I certainly didn’t start with that goal in mind. It seems that I just feel into it. In truth, I believe it was God’s plan for me. As a teacher, I never want any child to feel like I did as a struggling reader.

If I am honest, there are still remnants of the insecurity I felt as a child reader. I am a slow reader. I don’t like reading an article in a workshop. I get anxious that I am not going to read it fast enough and then I struggle to pay attention to the message so I can participate in the discussion. I don’t like having time constraints to read something. I enjoy reading now, but I am easily distracted and will often choose something else to do. Take a moment and think about yourself as a reader. If you have always loved to read and it's easy for you — you are blessed and I am envious. If it was a rocky journey for you like it was for me, take comfort that you’re not alone.

“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.”

― Frederick Douglass

The joy is in the journey!

Peace,

Mary

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